To the Person Who Surrendered My Dog

Dear Woman -
Yes, I know your name, where you lived then, and where you live now. But there's no reason to mention it. You missed out on so much already, why should you get to know that he's doing great?

Once upon a time, you got a cute fluffy little puppy. You bought him from a breeder whose idea of screening consists of one question - will that be cash or a cashier's check? You clearly had no idea that little puppies get bigger, and that they have needs. Why you bothered to keep him out in the back yard for 3 years before finally deciding that it was too much bother I don't know and I don't really care. I'm glad you finally made that decision, because your dog's much better off now and I've had his company for over 6 years.

I expect you stuck him out in the back yard partly because of his digestive problems. If you'd bothered to take him to the vet you would have found out that it was a simple food allergy, very easy to manage. He wouldn't have had to deal with chronic malnutrition, skin problems, a poor coat (which didn't exactly help him outside in the winter, being underweight, and scratching himself bloody from the discomfort). I guess the office visit cost too much. After all, you didn't get him his shots either. You might want to know that he's been fine, healthy, happy and comfortable since I adopted him. And he behaves very well inside, not that you'd know.

Despite the complete lack of training and socializing from you, my dog behaves very well with people, dogs, and cats. It took a lot of work, and a lot of time, but he learned everything as an adult that you should have taught him as a puppy. Puppies don't just figure things out because they get older, you know. Now he's a therapy dog, with good enough manners to work in a hospital. If you hadn't cheated him of the thing he loves most - being with people - his first 3 years would have been so much happier. Yours too.

Part of me feels sorry for you, because you had no idea what you had, and you missed out on something really great. Part of me is angry on his behalf, because he deserved so much better than he got from you. And part of me is happy, because if you hadn't been so lazy and clueless I never would have had the chance to adopt him.

Ah well. Your loss. Too bad you'll never even know what you could have had.

The Future of Reality TV

Reality TV has always been a bit of a misnomer. or at least an exaggeration. Participants are chosen for personality, attitude, looks, all sorts of things that have nothing to do with the skill or attribute one needs to win.

Clearly, the competition that frames the show is irrelevant. It's time to do away with all that nonsense and just let the habitual reality show contestant be a reality show contestant. Forget America's Next Top Model - go with America's Next reality Star. The competitions are pretty obvious - tantrums, bitchiness, rolling eyes for the camera, talking about someone behind their back, crying, the usual. Perhaps some advanced skills like fainting or drunken camera speeches.

Admit it, as lame and pathetic as this sounds, someone wishes they'd thought of it first and sooner or later it will be on. The only challenge is the perfect name.

Thoughts about Recreational Hockey

I play hockey with a good group of people. I have been playing with this group for years. The thing about playing goalie is there's a lot of time when you're not involved in the play, and can take the time to observe. The other thing is that the more you know about the players' styles, the easier it is to predict what they'll do.

One thing that seems to cross people and relationships is this: when you play on the same team as a significant other, you don't play as well. It doesn't matter whether the relationship is parent-child, spouse/partner, siblings, or (worst of all) dating. the two of you pay more attention to each other and thus less to everyone else on your team, and the game in general. The better of the pair will often play way out of position to help out the other (and you're not usually good enough to cover both positions so it really doesn't help). You tend to pass to each other if at all possible. The better one of the pair works very very hard to pass to the other so give the other a chance at a shot. Since there are 3 other people on your team on the ice at the same time, that's not usually the best choice. It makes things very easy for me as a goalie, because I know who's likely to shoot and who will pass, and I know where the pass is going. It also makes the game a lot less fun for everyone besides the two of you, since you're not as much fun to watch as you think.

Since it appears to be my time to complain, let's talk about how not to play defense. You won't stop many shot if you hold your stick horizontally at waist level. You don't add anything by standing in the net in front of, or next to, the goalie. You should never be the person farthest away from the net you are defending. Your job is to get in the way, but get in the way of the other team and not your own. You're not going to see much or have any idea what to do if you turn your back on the play and the puck. When you get the puck behind your own net, the best play is rarely to skate past all your teammates - you'll see them standing on the blue line waiting for you so they're not offsides - and go take your shot. Save that for a shift on forward. Clearing the puck away from the net is a good thing, but it's even better if you look up first and pass to someone on your own team. And last but not least - stay out of the crease if you're not dressed for it.

Summer TV

Swingtown is not going to work for me. I can tell because this is supposed to be a fun, racy show about the sexual revolution - certainly visually interesting. So I'm watching some guy pick up a stewardess on his flight and take her home to his wife, implied sex, yada yada. And what I think is "Oh yeah. Tab!!" when the wife pops open a can.

Today's Stanley Cup Final Game

I have to disagree with the announcers. It's not all right to take out the goalie in the crease just because you're skating hard. I get why they say that - it's a Stanley Cup final game, overtime no less, and nobody wants to see the game decided by the officials. On the other hand, it's not OK to declare open season on the goalie just because it's a more exciting game that way. There's no need to cater to the lowest common denominator in the fans. They have nascar.

I'm Scared

My dog, valiant hunter and general mischief-maker, came home from his job this evening (yes he really has one) and was tired as usual so he went to nap outside. After an hour or so I called him in. He was in an unusual spot, down at the far end of the yard.

He came very reluctantly, and smells of fresh dirt. His paws are all wet, but not muddy. And he is insisting on going out, which is generally an indication that he left something special out there. It's not the really good treat he took out with him and won't even look at.

I don't want to know.

This Will Get me in Trouble

That is, if anyone reads it. But I'm not all that concerned about the 3 people who might.

It snowed last Friday. Nothing new, but it was annoying. It was also Good Friday, and lots of services were canceled. Way back on Ash Wednesday the same thing happened - it snowed a bunch and lots of services were canceled.

It would be easy to decide that it's just coincidence, there's been a lot of snow this season, whatever. But no. It's much more interesting to see a divine hand in it. It's a message for Bishop Morlino. People still had their holiday, they just couldn't make it to the churches. You know, the churches where Bishop Morlino made all the priests play a taped message about his opinions and his thoughts on how everyone should behave. Well, except for the church that he said 3 years ago would be rebuilt but still hasn't gotten around to beginning that yet. Could it be that someone doesn't want people to hear any more of those speeches?

If nothing else it's a good conspiracy theory. I just wish it hadn't interfered with my lunch plans.
Now, let's hope the bishop doesn't have some staffer googling for his name all day. Never mind - not much he can do.